I’m waiting eagerly for a beautiful day to come.I have waited so long still it’s so far away. They will never give up on trying not to let that day come to my life. And I’ll never stop pretending to damn care. I had a two year breakdown on reaching my ultimate goal. Most of the people said that I have lost two years from my ‘entire life’! I used to believe that and I was so confused. Then my awesome uncle Shajib and my most favourie writer Muhammed Zafor Iqbal was only ones to support me. Both of them said to years is nothing compared to my life. I started believing that. But my lazy brain and bad habit of doing nothing became and impediment to reach my ultimate goal. A person who played a ‘vital’ role on my life started to discourage me.
She keeps telling me that I’m never gonna succeed. NEVER. She slammed the door and went away from our house. I locked my door and cried silently for a while. Then I consoled myself thinking that ‘there is always HOPE.’ Today, after a very long time, one of my writings got published on country’s one of the best newspapers. I’m supposed to be very happy, exited, cheerful today. But I can’t stop thinking about my ultimate goal. I’m holding on in a hope that I’ll be able to reach for it. I almost gave up my passion in writing because of e jealous friend who came to my life and tried to ruin everything. She almost succeeded to suck away my confidence. Notice, she ‘ALMOST’ succeeded. But I won’t let her be. Never. She needs to lose this war. Because she is not fair. Karma will let her down. Anyways, I forgot her and her poisonous behavior.
Last year I had no passion towards reaching my ultimate goal. I used to skip exams and started being absent at class. I didn’t even touch my book the day before my exam. I didn’t understand what subject I wanted to study. I switched from business studies to science t business studies. I never realized that Arts was best for me that time. A lot of people kept telling me that Arts are for losers.
My situation and surroundings made me confused and depressed. I stopped going to school. I slept all day When I was awake I felt like the loneliest and saddest person in the whole world. I had serious problems with friends and family. My friends were so complicated. My dad forbid me to talk about family problems so I won’t open up about it. I passed in grade nine and was promoted to grade ten. In grade ten, I started developing exam fear. In grade nine, I skipped exams for depression and in grade teb I skipped them for phobia. But there were good persons who helped me overcome my fear. My uncle Shajib, Simu bhaiya, my teacher Leenapu helped a lot.
Now I’m thinking about dropping two years. I’m so sure that two years are nothing compared to my life. I’m pretty confident my thinking process will have a huge difference from now. I want to face all the obstacles in my life. My phycologist once gave me a piece of paper with many quotes written on it and told me to choose one. I choose – ‘I wish I was a wave of the ocean so that I can wash away all the sorrows from everyone.’ I’m strongly attracted to the ocean. I wanna shine just like a sunshine on the ocean. A beautiful sunny day is waiting for me.
September 21, 2016